I found this super appealing and true !
Kinda long, but super interesting !
Kinda long, but super interesting !
Book Excerpt: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
By Steve Harvey
"We Need to Talk," and Other Words That Make Men Run for Cover
"We need to talk."
For a man, few words are as menacing as those four—especially when a woman is the one saying them and he's on the receiving end. Those four words can mean only two things to men: either we did something wrong or, worse, you really literally just want to talk.
We don't vent.
We just want to fix whatever situation is upsetting the balance.
Consider Exhibit A:
You: "I walked into work today and before I could get to my desk, I saw Tanya walking over to the coffee machine and wouldn't you know that heiffa had on the same shirt as me?"
Your girlfriend: "You better stop it. Which one?"
You: "The blue one—you know, the one with the orange flower print? I got it from that store across town? On sale?"
Your girlfriend: "You mean the one you found on the $29.99 rack in the back? The same day I found those shoes at the store just down the street?"
You: "That's the one! I wore that shirt to work a few weeks ago and she complimented me on it and next thing I know, she ran to the store and bought my shirt and is wearing it to work! Can you believe it? Do you know how that made me feel?"
Your girlfriend: "Aw, hell to the nah. Are you serious? That's horrible. She's got some nerve..."
For sure, this conversation could go on for hours, morphing into all kinds of side conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand: that some woman was wearing the same blouse as you on the same day in the same office.
--------------
With a man, exactly ten seconds into the conversation, he'd arrive at The Fix. I present to you, Exhibit B:
You: "I walked into work today and before I could get to my desk, I saw Tanya walking over to the coffee machine and wouldn't you know that heiffa had on the same shirt as me?"
Your man: "Really? Don't wear it anymore."
End of conversation. It's that simple for us.
How you felt at work while you had to sit there with this other woman on the other side of the room with the same blouse on is irrelevant to us. As far as we're concerned, the problem has already been fixed—you came home. You're not looking at the woman in the identical blouse anymore. And if you don't wear that particular blouse to the office again, you won't have to deal with that particular problem again. In our mind, problem solved—no more talking.
I'm telling you right now: if you go to your man with a situation that's fixable and he doesn't try to fix it, he is not your man—he is not in love with you. Go ahead, I dare you to try it for yourself. When your man comes over, tell him, "You know, I just can't stand this kitchen this way. The color just throws me all off, the cabinets are all wrong, they don't go with the stove and I can't get my mind right in here when I'm trying to cook." If he's all the way in it with you, he will say, without hesitation, "What color you want this kitchen to be, baby?" Tell him "pink," and see if by next Saturday the whole kitchen isn't painted pink, cabinets and all.
....
But the more experienced man—the one who can read his lady's moods and tell when something is wrong—is going to ask her what's up, and no matter how many times she says, "nothing," he's going to ask again and again until she starts coming clean and opens up, though, in his heart of hearts, he will be hoping to God there's really nothing wrong, and if there is something wrong, he will be able to just fix it because he doesn't want to see her pout. Even when he thinks she is done talking, he'll push her until the issue is resolved because he can't leave it at, "Wow, sorry that happened." He will immediately launch into The Fix.
Of course, it would go a long way if women stopped opening the conversation with "we need to talk." The moment you say that, our defenses go up, the repair tools come out, the sweat starts rolling, and we're sprinting through the events of the past weeks, trying to figure out what we did wrong, when we did it, and how we're going to fix it so that we're not in trouble anymore.
In fact, I think it's a good idea that, if you just want to vent, you start the conversation with something simple, like, "Honey, look, nothing is really wrong—I just want to tell somebody something." That's a great opening line; it allows us to relax, take our foot down from the witness stand, put away our "fix it" tools, and actually sit and listen to what you have to say.
"We Need to Talk," and Other Words That Make Men Run for Cover
"We need to talk."
For a man, few words are as menacing as those four—especially when a woman is the one saying them and he's on the receiving end. Those four words can mean only two things to men: either we did something wrong or, worse, you really literally just want to talk.
We don't vent.
We just want to fix whatever situation is upsetting the balance.
Consider Exhibit A:
You: "I walked into work today and before I could get to my desk, I saw Tanya walking over to the coffee machine and wouldn't you know that heiffa had on the same shirt as me?"
Your girlfriend: "You better stop it. Which one?"
You: "The blue one—you know, the one with the orange flower print? I got it from that store across town? On sale?"
Your girlfriend: "You mean the one you found on the $29.99 rack in the back? The same day I found those shoes at the store just down the street?"
You: "That's the one! I wore that shirt to work a few weeks ago and she complimented me on it and next thing I know, she ran to the store and bought my shirt and is wearing it to work! Can you believe it? Do you know how that made me feel?"
Your girlfriend: "Aw, hell to the nah. Are you serious? That's horrible. She's got some nerve..."
For sure, this conversation could go on for hours, morphing into all kinds of side conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand: that some woman was wearing the same blouse as you on the same day in the same office.
--------------
With a man, exactly ten seconds into the conversation, he'd arrive at The Fix. I present to you, Exhibit B:
You: "I walked into work today and before I could get to my desk, I saw Tanya walking over to the coffee machine and wouldn't you know that heiffa had on the same shirt as me?"
Your man: "Really? Don't wear it anymore."
End of conversation. It's that simple for us.
How you felt at work while you had to sit there with this other woman on the other side of the room with the same blouse on is irrelevant to us. As far as we're concerned, the problem has already been fixed—you came home. You're not looking at the woman in the identical blouse anymore. And if you don't wear that particular blouse to the office again, you won't have to deal with that particular problem again. In our mind, problem solved—no more talking.
I'm telling you right now: if you go to your man with a situation that's fixable and he doesn't try to fix it, he is not your man—he is not in love with you. Go ahead, I dare you to try it for yourself. When your man comes over, tell him, "You know, I just can't stand this kitchen this way. The color just throws me all off, the cabinets are all wrong, they don't go with the stove and I can't get my mind right in here when I'm trying to cook." If he's all the way in it with you, he will say, without hesitation, "What color you want this kitchen to be, baby?" Tell him "pink," and see if by next Saturday the whole kitchen isn't painted pink, cabinets and all.
....
But the more experienced man—the one who can read his lady's moods and tell when something is wrong—is going to ask her what's up, and no matter how many times she says, "nothing," he's going to ask again and again until she starts coming clean and opens up, though, in his heart of hearts, he will be hoping to God there's really nothing wrong, and if there is something wrong, he will be able to just fix it because he doesn't want to see her pout. Even when he thinks she is done talking, he'll push her until the issue is resolved because he can't leave it at, "Wow, sorry that happened." He will immediately launch into The Fix.
Of course, it would go a long way if women stopped opening the conversation with "we need to talk." The moment you say that, our defenses go up, the repair tools come out, the sweat starts rolling, and we're sprinting through the events of the past weeks, trying to figure out what we did wrong, when we did it, and how we're going to fix it so that we're not in trouble anymore.
In fact, I think it's a good idea that, if you just want to vent, you start the conversation with something simple, like, "Honey, look, nothing is really wrong—I just want to tell somebody something." That's a great opening line; it allows us to relax, take our foot down from the witness stand, put away our "fix it" tools, and actually sit and listen to what you have to say.
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